Mar 17 2010

Accelerator Envy

Setting a record in the time from design to production, Toyota is unveiling their leading model sports car this year: “The Kamikaze”. Even more amazing are the specs on this vehicle. Off the production line, this car will accelerate from zero to sixty in three seconds, often without having to touch the pedal. This feature is being marketed as “…the next generation in cruise control…” and may be highly attractive for drivers who are just getting too tired of pressing the accelerator when they want to drive.

 

American companies are being proactive to this new model, though they are finding themselves behind the design curve. To improve their design to street time, Ford, Chrysler, and GM are all resurrecting previously decommissioned models to compete with this Japanese brilliance. › Continue reading


Mar 16 2010

Vale… What?

I learned a secret to reading letters today. Jump to the valadic valeddic valeedic valediction to understand the tone of the letter or email before reading it.

For those of you wondering about the definition of valediction, you might think it has something to do with the valedictorian. This is an easy assumption to make, unless of course, you are the valedictorian, in which case you already know valediction is a Valley Girl dictionary from the eighties.

After like, a totally gnarly month of way exhaustive research on the lingo of what totally grodie people, would like, way not get a grip, a way cool valediction was, just like, made in a rad way. I would totally, like, gag myself with a chainsaw, to way know the totally tubular path to like, speakenese, as if.

I know, right?

You may find it difficult to read the above paragraph written from a “valley diction” (aka valediction), which is clearly an indication you do not have mall bangs, a mullet, or really spikey hair held up with a ton of mousse, any of which would cause the hair roots to tickle your brain and this sort of talk would make perfect sense, as if.

I know, right? › Continue reading


Mar 15 2010

What JoAnn Writes: Ohno! I Am Disqualified!

 

I am pleased to present, “What JoAnn Writes”:

                                                                                             

Ohno! I Am Disqualified

By JoAnn Wegert

I can still see his face. Apolo Ohno swirving around the track after his 2nd place finish in the short-track 500 meter speed skate. With his heart still racing, he watched the giant jumbotron above. As this 2010 American Olympian silver medalist stared at the screen we all watched his expression change from a satisfied smile to that of numbing disbelief. . . The judges deemed Ohno “disqualified.” › Continue reading


Mar 12 2010

Density

I spoke about a lady having a surprise baby in yesterday’s article, leading into a discussion of how we are transformed, whether we are aware of the process or not. Even though Kelly Bottom did not realize she was pregnant, her body was being transformed, the cells within her womb were being transformed, and amazingly, God was doing a work within her and she was completely unaware of it.

I believe God often works in our lives and we are completely unaware of Him. I really do not believe God is sneaky, or that He looks for ways to hide Himself from us as He is working in our lives, I just think we are too dense to be aware of Him.

Now after reading this last sentence, some of you are thinking there is no way this applies to you. After all, you are a very smart individual. › Continue reading


Mar 11 2010

Surprise! A Baby!

Every now and then, you hear a story about a surprise birth. These sorts of stories are amazing to me, but I’m a guy and I really don’t understand the mysteries of a woman. I mean, I understand some aspects of a woman… you know, the simple things which are easier for guys to understand, but there are those mood swings, crying jags, and other really deep end of the swimming pool kind of stuff where I just like to remain safely in the kiddie pool and not think about.  But then I hear a story about a surprise birth and I come up with some really intelligent thoughts on the subject, like, “Come on”, “Whoa”, “Really”, and “You gotta be kidding me”. That’s as deep as you are allowed to get when you stick to the kiddie pool on these woman issues.

From the news wire, a lady in Harrodsburg, Ky., had a surprise birth last week. On March 4, Kelly Bottom was doing laundry when she started feeling some discomfort. She didn’t know she was pregnant, so she continued to do the laundry until it started feeling worse, deciding then to try to use the bathroom. On the way, she had the baby.
Wait! There’s more… click here.


Mar 10 2010

A Second Flush

The following is a repost of an earlier article, giving it a second flush.

 

I subscribe to most of the recommendations made by the Macho-Male Book on Life, particularly what is said about commodes. For those of you who are not familiar with the word commode, I am referring to the toilet, the john, the head, the porcelain throne, and for our canine friends, the drinking bowl.
Wait! There’s more… click here.


Mar 9 2010

Cloud Computing

I read a couple of reports today on the Internet (which means the information has to be absolutely is most likely true and accurate made up, but could be true), stating there are two words Bill Gates hates to hear. I thought those two words might be something like, “Windows Bug”, “Service Pack”, or “Please Reboot”, but apparently they are something far more removed from the world of Microsoft. Supposedly, he hates to hear the words “cloud computing”.

Now, if you have not heard of cloud computing before, perhaps that is because you are not a geek and you have a life. Wait! There’s more… click here.


Mar 8 2010

What JoAnn Writes, Six Degrees to Matt’s Wife

I am pleased to present, “What JoAnn Writes”:

                                                                                             

Six Degrees to Matt’s Wife

By JoAnn Wegert

Though I do not know Crystal Bowersox, like most folks in our area, I am happy for her accomplishments and excited for her future success as a singer. Since Glenn was discussing The Name Game being played here in northwest Ohio, I have been thinking about the people I know, and how it is that people know me. Last week while in the local coffee shop, I was approached by a woman who politely began with “excuse me”.

As I looked her way I found myself thinking “Who are you?” and “How do you know me?” She recognized me, but I was embarrassed that I didn’t yet recognize her. She continued by asking, “Are you Matt’s wife?”
Wait! There’s more… click here.


Mar 5 2010

Six Degrees to Crystal Bowersox

If you live anywhere in northwest Ohio, close to northwest Ohio, traveled through northwest Ohio, or even looked at northwest Ohio on the map, then you may have recently played the Six Degrees to Crystal Bowersox game. For my international readers, Crystal Bowersox is a very talented musician who has signed her next ten or twenty years over to a television reality show called, “American Idol”.

Her hometown is about ten minutes away from where I am writing this article, and her voice is filling Wait! There’s more… click here.


Mar 4 2010

What In This World?

I spoke about the often-debated prosperity gospel in yesterday’s article, found here. I have had true believers challenge me on this topic, pulling up their sleeves and preparing for a fight.

Ok, maybe not an all-out cat fight, but definitely a solid kitten fight! This just seems to be one of those things where people sink their teeth into the subject and refuse to let go, no matter how rotten the focus or foul tasting the theme.

The perspective is a tough one to give up, as the prosperity gospel provides a path to retain worldly goals and materialistic greed. I’m not saying goal setting is wrong or wealth is a sin; however, obsessing on these factors feeds our selfish nature and becomes a burden in our relationship with God. Wait! There’s more… click here.