We Need To Talk
I am fortunate to have a patient wife. Karen is a blessing to me in many ways, and her patience is one of her stronger assets. Our marriage is proof God plans our lives. He knew only a woman with an abundance of tolerance would be able to put up with me!
Our twenty-three years of marriage has had many blessings and a few struggles. Our blessings include our three children and countless friends; our continuing challenge is communication. Of all the victories we share, keeping an open line of discussion is always a returning battle.
Silence is a stealth war in marriage. You may go for days without talking – I mean really talking. You can have the ‘Good morning’ and the ‘Good night’, and even ‘gotta go, I’m late for work’, but is that really talking? Real silence sneaks in and visits for weeks, stealing the life from a relationship.
Karen realized this early in our marriage. She found four words as an excellent weapon against the assault of silence. They are simple words and when put together form a simple phrase:
“We need to talk. ”
Perhaps these words strike something primal, something embedded deep within me causing me to cringe. Maybe my mother said those to me as a child when I did something wrong and was imprisoned in my room for an indefinite period. A teacher might have said those words to me before sending me down to the school dungeon where the principal’s office was located. Whatever the case, these words get my attention. They cause me to stop – to listen – to pay attention to the needs of my wife.
Constant communication is necessary in my relationship with Karen. Without it, our friendship is limited. The same applies to my relationship with God.
I need constant communication with Him in order to have a friendship. The challenge is listening and obedience. Hearing Him through the daily drone and onslaught of information can be difficult, and accepting His message can seem impossible.
God is showing me through His Word how to listen to Him. The Bible tells us the Lord has an audible voice, though few are blessed to hear the voice of God. Instead we have His Word in the Bible and His gentle, persistent prompting within us.
The Bible tells us in James 1:19-22,
“Dear brothers, don’t ever forget that it is best to listen much, speak little, and not become angry; for anger doesn’t make us good, as God demands that we must be. So get rid of all that is wrong in your life, both inside and outside, and humbly be glad for the wonderful message we have received, for it is able to save our souls as it takes hold of our hearts. And remember, it is a message to obey, not just to listen to. So don’t fool yourselves.”
In these four verses, we are given seven commands as Christians.
- Listen much;
- Speak little;
- Do not become angry;
- Get rid of what is wrong inside;
- Get rid of what is wrong outside;
- Humbly receive God’s Word; and
- Obey God’s Word – not just listen to it.
Listening is an important step. As we discovered in the above verses, listening also requires action. The difficult part is that action usually requires changing something within.
When I listen to Karen, she relates her feelings and emotions to me, which prompt a reaction or a change. If she tells me she needs more hugs, I hug her more. If I listen and do nothing, it would be worse than not listening at all. My reaction is a change within.
I always pray for guidance when I study the Bible. I ask the Lord to teach me as I study His Word. When He gives me revelation and understanding, we are communicating. When He shows me how to apply the teachings to my life and I follow His instructions, I am reacting to the conversation. As with the verses in James, there is action required.
My relationship with Karen requires communication. I need to listen to her, share my feelings with her, and act upon what she tells me.
My relationship with God requires communication. I need to listen to Him, share my feelings with Him, and act upon what He tells me.
Are you tough enough for a relationship with God?
Glenn Sasscer
www.glennsasscer.com
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